Inner Child Work You Can Start Now
Video and Text Step-By-Step
Hey, it’s Dr. Duff.
I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of inner child work, looking inward to find that younger version of yourself that you can try taking better care of. But as a therapist and psychologist, I was never really trained in it and didn’t integrate it much into my personal approach to therapy. Honestly, I also hadn’t used it a whole lot in my personal life.
That changed a few years ago when I found the book 101 Trauma Informed Interventions by Linda A. Curran. It’s such a great book: straightforward, practical, and full of exercises. It’s perfect for clinicians as well as people who are struggling with trauma or who are simply curious about exploring themselves more deeply.
While these are trauma-informed interventions, they’re not all tied directly to trauma, and I’ve personally gotten a lot out of this book. Today, I want to introduce you to three inner child exercises from it. They’re arranged by level of difficulty and emotional closeness, and I’ll be honest, the last one cracked me wide open.
If you try any of these, be gentle with yourself. Make sure you have space, privacy, and time to reflect.
Exercise 1: Implicit Childhood Messages
If you’ve never done inner child work or reflected much on your upbringing, this is a great place to start. It’s called Implicit Childhood Messages, and it’s usually presented as a worksheet, but you can also talk through it with a therapist or loved one.
Here are the main prompts:
What messages or instructions were part of your daily life?
What messages did you receive about your body?
What messages did you receive about honesty?
What messages did you receive about morality?
What messages did you receive about sex?
And for reflection:
Have you freely chosen these instructions as an adult, or are you just living by them without question?
Do any of these instructions presently warrant review?
When I tried this exercise, I found it harder than expected. For example, I don’t remember a lot of explicit messaging from my parents. That vagueness and wishy-washiness seems to be part of my story.
Take sex as an example. It was a very present thing in my life, partly because my mom was a teenage parent (and the daughter of a teenage parent). So, the message “don’t get someone pregnant as a teenager” was drilled in. But at the same time, there weren’t many direct conversations about sex or sexuality. It was present, normal, motivating, but also something to fear.
When reflecting, I realized that some of these vague or inconsistent messages still deserve review today, especially around honesty, secrecy, and boundaries. Growing up, dishonesty sometimes felt like an “option,” and while I don’t live that way as an adult, the pattern is interesting to notice.
This exercise wasn’t overwhelming, but it was definitely eye-opening.
Exercise 2: Developing a Nurturing Voice
Once you’ve reflected on how you were raised, the next step is to reparent yourself by finding a less critical inner voice. Many of us internalize harsh parental messages that tell us we’re not good enough. This exercise is about developing a nurturing voice that can meet those moments with compassion instead of criticism.
Here’s how it works:
Think of someone, real or fictional, who embodies a nurturing quality.
Picture them in their nurturing role: singing to a child, cooking, teaching, soothing.
Really imagine their tone, words, body language.
Then, when you’re being self-critical, switch into that nurturing voice and notice the difference.
When I did this, my first thought was my grandmother, who was kind and supportive, though I didn’t know her well as an adult. Surprisingly, the figure that really worked for me was a character from one of my favorite books (The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss). There’s a monk who tirelessly takes care of sick and poor children in his community. He is fair, pragmatic, and unconditionally supportive.
When I imagined him speaking to me, his words didn’t feel fake or saccharine. They felt grounded. For instance, when I criticize myself by saying, “You’re never going to make it,” I could imagine him responding:
“Remember where you’ve come from. You’ve come a long way already, and you still have more life ahead of you. Keep taking steps forward.”
That shift from criticism to compassion felt powerful.
Exercise 3: Dialogue with Your Inner Child
This one is intense. It’s a writing exercise where you dialogue directly with your inner child using your dominant and non-dominant hands.
Here’s the setup:
Divide a page into two columns.
In the left, with your dominant hand, write questions to your inner child (like “How are you feeling?”).
In the right, with your non-dominant hand, write their responses.
The idea is that writing with your non-dominant hand helps you tap into a different, less filtered part of yourself, one that can feel younger, more vulnerable, and raw.
The first time I tried this, I wasn’t expecting much. But when I wrote, “Hey kiddo, how are you doing?” with my dominant hand and then responded with my non-dominant hand, I completely broke down crying.
This time, it was still emotional, though not as overwhelming. What surfaced was a sense of confusion from my younger self:
“There are so many people. So many influences. A mother, a father, a stepfather, grandparents, family friends, uncles, aunties… and they’re all so different. I don’t know who I’m supposed to be like, because they all seem so flawed too.”
That feeling of ambiguity and lack of clear direction has been a theme for me in these exercises. It’s not that I didn’t have practical safety and support, but I was left to figure out the deeper stuff largely on my own.
This was easily the most intense of the three activities. It brought up things I’ll continue reflecting on, and I suspect it will be different every time I revisit it.
Closing Thoughts
Inner child work isn’t always easy, but it can be deeply revealing. These three exercises, from simple reflection, to developing a nurturing voice, to dialoguing with your child self, offer a progression of ways to connect with your past and bring healing into your present.
If you try them, go slow. Give yourself space. And if you’d like to dive deeper, I highly recommend checking out 101 Trauma Informed Interventions by Linda Curran.
Have you ever tried inner child work? I’d love to hear your experiences. Comment, send me a message, or email me, whatever feels comfortable.
—Dr. Duff